If you’re considering getting me a present for the holidays
I have a suggestion. Take all these kids
that wear women’s jeans and have their hair coming down in an angle over
their eyes, and bring them to the woods behind my house. Unfortunately this is
a two part gift and you might want to split the expense with a friend, because
the second thing I’m going to need is a chainsaw, preferably with extra chains
and a large can of grease. I will
provide the gasoline and matches. You
see what I really want to do is have these kids tell me how horrible their
lives are and how mean mommy and daddy are; then I want to cut off one of their
legs. I’m assuming that somewhere within
the amputation process they will find a new lease on life. If they don’t, well, at least now they’ll
have something to cry about. Happy
Holidays.
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