Cats

Cats are worthless.  Why would anyone even bother with a cat when there are dogs available?  Cats are uptight pretentious douche bags.  If a dog acts up you can beat the hell out of it and it learns its lesson.  Any animal you have to declaw in order for you to let it live in your house should be shot and stuffed.  That is a trophy, show it off to your friends, that feline shithead could have killed you if not at least scratched the hell out of you and coughed up a bunch of nasty shit on your floor.

Darwinism

-I think that there should be a law that one day out of the year each person is allowed one homicide.  These victims are allowed to protect themselves of course, in a survival of the fittest kind of way. 

Even though Bill wants to kill Jimmy for humping his girlfriend Liz, Jimmy could see Bill coming and even though he used his one kill on Liz he could claim self defense and kill Bill.  This would weed out some of those people that can’t plan ahead.  I’d save mine until late at night, that way I could get all those self defense kills out of the way and waste the first poor fool that cuts me off in traffic.

WTF

For anyone not involved in modern society, this acronym stands for What The Fuck.  The problem is that people actually run around saying this.  I could understand typing it, to a degree, it’s 3 letters as opposed to 11; time management, got it. But saying this out loud is just fucking stupid. 

First of all if the situation is drastic enough to call in the use of the word fuck, why would you want to abbreviate it? The word stands for itself, in most cases you could get rid of the “What The” and just say Fuck.  Secondly, when spoken, no one saves time.  WTF is 4 syllables while What The Fuck is only 3, that’s a 1 syllable saving passed on to you.  Then of course you have the time it takes your brain to translate WFT into what it really stands for.  In a culture where we want everything instantaneously it seems insane to slow down and muddle up the language.  This goes against the grain with the society we are all tying so hard to destroy.  I mean seriously, WTF?

BFF's

BFF-This entire saying is unrealistic, how many people are still BF’s with their BFF’s from high school.  This means that back then you were really not BFF’s, in fact you might not have even been BF’s if you don’t talk or care about how her kids look now and listen to her(BFF’s is a majorly feminine concept) whine about being fat. 

In fact if that’s the case you may have barely been F’s.  A BFF can’t really exist, you don’t know when you’re not going to be friends, so the most you can hope is BFATM, Best Friend At The Moment. 

Unless of course you know when you’re going to die, in that case you can say to Tammy, “You are my BFF” and then blow your brains out, because for you she was your BF until you rid the world of yourself, unfortunately this means that you are not Tammy’s BFF.

Season Finale

-There should be a season finale for all reality shows.  The winner of each show would all be gathered into an arena and forced to fight for their lives.  Then the winner would be given a mansion on the beach that has bank vault doors and upon entering their new palace the house would be locked up and burned to the ground.  That would teach those cocksuckers.