Let's take a quick look at the internet as a whole and note some shittyness that has taken place. If you see a link that starts with one of the following...stay away. You too can prevent horseshit link herpes.
-The 25 best photos of...
These could be photos of anything, people at Walmart, attractive athletes, grown up child stars. Do Not Be Fooled. They are not the best. They are garbage. Look out the window. There, you've seen better stuff than that link.
-These People/You/He/She is in for a surprise!
Everyone is in for a surprise. Want to watch some people get hurt? Just type fail videos into youtube. At the very least you won't be giving a troll the traffic they don't deserve.
-If you ever see this creature run!
These should be pretty self explanatory. If you're in the driveway scratching your ass and a rhino comes running, you probably shouldn't stay still.
-Horrifying/Classified/Amazing/Brutal/Disgusting photos they don't want you to see.
Watch a horror movie. Is brutal shit your thing? Read the news instead.
-The easiest way to get a mortgage.
Believe it or not, is to go to the bank.
-They just kept recording!
No shit, they're camera men, and the people were on TV. What did you expect.
-What does your Name/Eyecolor/Haircolor say about you?
If you're going to read this you may as well skip it and read a horoscope instead. It'll be about the same level of insight.
-These photos will leave you speechless.
They won't. Really.
-Any number of surprising secrets you didn't know!
I'm going to bet that you already know these, and they aren't secrets.
-Why no one will hire this Actress/Actor/Musician/Director/Writer anymore.
Is this something on your list of info needed to know? Are these ever accurate?
-This politician destroys the other parties ideas in 2 minutes, MUST WATCH!
Someone ripping into an opposite belief is pretty much day to day at this point. Almost none of these are accurate statements based on facts, instead hoping that you share their opinions. Taking someone else's rant(usually based of their income, not belief) as fact is never a good idea.
Did we learn anything?
Please don't click on bullshit. If you're that bored I suggest going to a few sites that are pretty rad. Readfreebooks
reddit
redtube
or if things are really dire, and you're not stuck at work simply turn off the computer and go start an argument with a stranger.
You can do it!
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Not Safe For Earth
There's a lot of political bullshit out there. A WHOLE lot. Especially being an election year, though it tends to go on for two years these days. Plenty of issues for both sides to complain about and scream at each other about, people fighting for you to believe their side is right. That's all fine and good...well actually it's usually terrible and fucking disgusting, but that's not the point.
One thing I keep hearing is that these scientists are all full of shit and this whole climate change thing is garbage. I notice most of this is people screaming about how if it's really "global warming" then why's it snowing? Shut up. That's dumb. Climate change is about the earth itself being affected by all of us humans guzzling down fossil fuels and taking a dump on the planet.
So...for the sake of the skeptics, lets see about what good it would do to change from fossil fuels to clean energy. It will be a long process. There is a lot of discussion about job loss, but that's pretty hollow. The workers in current energy would have to learn new energy. That whole adapting thing that we've been doing since...forever. SO that's easy, we switch, make it a cleaner, healthier planet for us and the next generation.
Now this whole climate change thing. Let's say for a minute that there is even a 1% chance that it's real. We've already discussed all the good it will do. So what's your problem?
I'm not telling you to become a hippy and buy hemp clothes and go vegan. I'm just saying, maybe don't close yourself off to something that could very possibly be real. "Those dumb scientists don't know what they're talking about." I think you may be right, those stupid scientists and engineers and chemists, fools, the lot of them. They say not to drink bleach, idiots! If you think that all those scientists are full of shit, please pour yourself a bleach cocktail. Cheers to your convictions!
One thing I keep hearing is that these scientists are all full of shit and this whole climate change thing is garbage. I notice most of this is people screaming about how if it's really "global warming" then why's it snowing? Shut up. That's dumb. Climate change is about the earth itself being affected by all of us humans guzzling down fossil fuels and taking a dump on the planet.
So...for the sake of the skeptics, lets see about what good it would do to change from fossil fuels to clean energy. It will be a long process. There is a lot of discussion about job loss, but that's pretty hollow. The workers in current energy would have to learn new energy. That whole adapting thing that we've been doing since...forever. SO that's easy, we switch, make it a cleaner, healthier planet for us and the next generation.
Now this whole climate change thing. Let's say for a minute that there is even a 1% chance that it's real. We've already discussed all the good it will do. So what's your problem?
I'm not telling you to become a hippy and buy hemp clothes and go vegan. I'm just saying, maybe don't close yourself off to something that could very possibly be real. "Those dumb scientists don't know what they're talking about." I think you may be right, those stupid scientists and engineers and chemists, fools, the lot of them. They say not to drink bleach, idiots! If you think that all those scientists are full of shit, please pour yourself a bleach cocktail. Cheers to your convictions!
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Take if from the Kids
Who do you take advice from?
As an adult, I try to take advice from people that know what they're talking about. Medical consulting from doctors, auto advice from mechanics, and drink suggestions from bartenders. Recently it seems, companies seem to have forgotten where and from who to get and give advice. There are an awful lot of new commercials were kids are giving advice. A child discussing who you should get your insurance from, or a baby telling you how to trade your stocks, or an entire group of kids telling you where to buy your chicken nuggets.
At what point in time did these companies decide that their customers would rather get advice from children with no real world experience than professionals? Even an actor that portrays a person that has been through an experience seems better than a child. There is nothing in a child's portrayal that gives me the illusion that they have actually spent hours browsing insurance companies.
With that said, I wouldn't be against some classes that would make kids more self sufficient. If we want to get kids to that point, lets do it fast. Let's teach them all Microsoft Office so they can do our taxes, and when they're done with that, they can run down to the liquor store and pick out the finest whiskey for mommy and daddy.
As an adult, I try to take advice from people that know what they're talking about. Medical consulting from doctors, auto advice from mechanics, and drink suggestions from bartenders. Recently it seems, companies seem to have forgotten where and from who to get and give advice. There are an awful lot of new commercials were kids are giving advice. A child discussing who you should get your insurance from, or a baby telling you how to trade your stocks, or an entire group of kids telling you where to buy your chicken nuggets.
At what point in time did these companies decide that their customers would rather get advice from children with no real world experience than professionals? Even an actor that portrays a person that has been through an experience seems better than a child. There is nothing in a child's portrayal that gives me the illusion that they have actually spent hours browsing insurance companies.
With that said, I wouldn't be against some classes that would make kids more self sufficient. If we want to get kids to that point, lets do it fast. Let's teach them all Microsoft Office so they can do our taxes, and when they're done with that, they can run down to the liquor store and pick out the finest whiskey for mommy and daddy.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
The Shower Boogy
Reviewing some of the popular dances over the years, I notice that a lot of them are based on something else: The Sprinkler, Milking the Big Cow, The Shopping Cart, Window Wiper.
Then there are the kinds that just describe what you're doing: Pop and Lock, Moon Walk.
There are also songs that tell you what to do, such as the Hokey Pokey, Line Dancing, cha cha slide, and cupid shuffle.
Using that formula, I've come up with the next new hit. You're welcome.
The Shower Boogy-Set to country 2 step
(Act out each line in time with the music)
Pull back the curtain, now step right in.
Turn on the water, let it wet your skin.
Grab the soap, and lather your hand.
Spit in the drain, that's how it's planned.
Brush those pits, get them primed,
Belly button too, make it shine.
Get those toes and behind the ears,
One place left that everyone fears,
Spread those cheeks and scrub the hole,
That's how you do the shower boogy bowl.
It's the shower, boogy, bowl.
Then there are the kinds that just describe what you're doing: Pop and Lock, Moon Walk.
There are also songs that tell you what to do, such as the Hokey Pokey, Line Dancing, cha cha slide, and cupid shuffle.
Using that formula, I've come up with the next new hit. You're welcome.
The Shower Boogy-Set to country 2 step
(Act out each line in time with the music)
Pull back the curtain, now step right in.
Turn on the water, let it wet your skin.
Grab the soap, and lather your hand.
Spit in the drain, that's how it's planned.
Brush those pits, get them primed,
Belly button too, make it shine.
Get those toes and behind the ears,
One place left that everyone fears,
Spread those cheeks and scrub the hole,
That's how you do the shower boogy bowl.
It's the shower, boogy, bowl.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Yuletide Oppression
Santa runs the North Pole with his friendly elves creating toys for all the good little boys and girls. Some say Santa is an elf himself, but if he's an elf he's a damn big one. That doesn't really make sense does it? Unless of course he got into some of Bane's Venom.
So if Santa started taking massive amounts of steroids in order to become the king of the elves, then he has them make toys for kids? Sounds like a front to me, powered on slave labor. Maybe the adults of this world that have received the toys created from elves sweat and blood owe a little something to the slave workers of our childhood...
For only pennies a day, you could supply an elf with enough steroids to bulk up and help topple their yuletide captors, nine months could change a life time of oppression. These poor elves suffer under unfit working condition and freezing temperatures with only long socks to protect their legs from the bitter cold.
Won't you help...
So if Santa started taking massive amounts of steroids in order to become the king of the elves, then he has them make toys for kids? Sounds like a front to me, powered on slave labor. Maybe the adults of this world that have received the toys created from elves sweat and blood owe a little something to the slave workers of our childhood...
For only pennies a day, you could supply an elf with enough steroids to bulk up and help topple their yuletide captors, nine months could change a life time of oppression. These poor elves suffer under unfit working condition and freezing temperatures with only long socks to protect their legs from the bitter cold.
Won't you help...
Monday, February 2, 2015
Age Old Screen Names
There was a time when chatting with strangers on the internet fell into fairly unregulated categories, mostly horny teenagers and lonely adults. Screen names were usually hatched in a 20 second binge using a variety of key words that were sure to draw in the desirable conversationalists: Gamer, Doggy, Skater, GuitarMan, Hott, XXX, etc.
The other part that came to be rather quickly was adding numbers to the screen name, because how in the world could somebody else get to the name FriskyMick first? Maybe you could be FriskyMick2, or spice it up and be FriskyMick69. When that didn't work you could go with your birthday, or year of birth, get it out there that you are in fact FriskyMick21, or FriskyMick94 a young stud named Mick.
On the other hand, if you were spry and felt like trying to get some pics from a young promiscuous stranger maybe you use FriskyMick34, for the year you were born. Coast those middle aged chat rooms looking for the perfect combination of lonely and drunk. Letting your fingers drag across the keys, making references to TV
shows from the 50's, but people think you're eccentric not old. Lean back and wait for the pictures to process, one pixel at a time. Try and stay awake through that 10 minute download.
The other part that came to be rather quickly was adding numbers to the screen name, because how in the world could somebody else get to the name FriskyMick first? Maybe you could be FriskyMick2, or spice it up and be FriskyMick69. When that didn't work you could go with your birthday, or year of birth, get it out there that you are in fact FriskyMick21, or FriskyMick94 a young stud named Mick.
On the other hand, if you were spry and felt like trying to get some pics from a young promiscuous stranger maybe you use FriskyMick34, for the year you were born. Coast those middle aged chat rooms looking for the perfect combination of lonely and drunk. Letting your fingers drag across the keys, making references to TV
shows from the 50's, but people think you're eccentric not old. Lean back and wait for the pictures to process, one pixel at a time. Try and stay awake through that 10 minute download.
Monday, December 1, 2014
How Many Licks?
Somehow I saw the old school tootsie roll commercial again, and something about it stood out.
Yes there was still that asshole owl that ate the kid's candy, but there were other things. A random kid walking around in the woods talking to cows, foxes, turtles and owl? What mushrooms was he licking before he decided to talk to these animals? And why the hell isn't he wearing any clothes? And why is the fox wearing sunglasses? And if the owl is a professor why is he still wearing his hat from graduation?
Seems to me that somewhere along the way, the kid decided to take bath salts and offer "animals" his "tootsie pop", he got turned down quite a few times, until he found that old professor. Yes, he was very willing to help him with his licking problem. Smart owls know when an opportunity is staring them in the eye.
Yes there was still that asshole owl that ate the kid's candy, but there were other things. A random kid walking around in the woods talking to cows, foxes, turtles and owl? What mushrooms was he licking before he decided to talk to these animals? And why the hell isn't he wearing any clothes? And why is the fox wearing sunglasses? And if the owl is a professor why is he still wearing his hat from graduation?
Seems to me that somewhere along the way, the kid decided to take bath salts and offer "animals" his "tootsie pop", he got turned down quite a few times, until he found that old professor. Yes, he was very willing to help him with his licking problem. Smart owls know when an opportunity is staring them in the eye.
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