Bringing You Hit After Hit

Every other commercial I see is about some show where people sing covers of other people's music and say that they are bringing you "hit after hit".
Are we saying that your show isn't any better than listening to the radio? You're not writing those songs yourself are you? I'm pretty sure PPuffDiddyDaddy brought in a whole bunch of hits, I think they were written by other people like that very unknown band Led Zeppelin.
Every time a show advertises someone else's ideas they should include a warning-Not as good as the original.

Super Friends

I heard someone say they don't like a lot of people so if you're on their list you're a lucky man.

What? You're a lucky person to be liked by someone that hates everyone? How many people actually enjoy this fucks company?

Then I realized I've said something like that before; I hate the majority of the human race so if I like you that should say something. Does it? Does it say that you're just more awesome than the rest of the population? Or does it say that we suck on roughly the same level and we can hang out shitting on the people below and spewing vomit on those above?

Liquid Diet

I read that Victoria Secret models usually switch to a liquid diet one week before their runway and photo events.
Take a minute and imagine those gorgeous women in the crazy angel wings, sipping cold protein drinks and banana smoothies. Now think of them the night before, just spewing a hot liquid from their bowels. Painful anal angry. Shooting out at a speed that sets off the neighbors car alarms.
Oh...it's all worth it.

Jump, Watch Out, Shoot That!

When I was a kid, I would sit in a room with my brothers and friends and play video games together.
It started out simple enough, taking turns playing basic, simple games. Then it evolved into watching a story evolve, discussing the aspects of puzzle and horror games. Obviously we weren't the only ones to do this.
Somewhere along the way, as the internet developed, someone decided that they would record themselves playing games and splatter them across the web. How lazy have people gotten that they won't call their friends, or even play the games themselves? People are going to the internet for social porn.

Bullshit!

How long did it take for people to start lying to each other?
Did the first human being crawl out of the muck and immediately boast of accomplishments he had yet to master?
How about the first backstabber? How long did it take humans to evolve to the point of developing plans in order to reap benefit from others?
How long did it take for us to get interesting?

Oh Mai Gawd!

Who the fuck taught these Internet cats to spell?
Either all of the cats in the world are slightly retarded or they have a very...no never mind. That's it.
All cats are slightly retarded.

The Most Talked About Event of the Year!!!!

How is every damn show on TV the most talked about event of the year? There were literally three commercials in a row that claimed that they were sponsoring the most talked about event.
How is there no containment on straight up bullshit advertising? Somehow we've reverted back to buying from snake oil salesmen.
I think if someone comes out with a completely and obvious false advertisement, the CEO of the advertising company and the executives that "OK'ed" the add should be tied to the back of a car, lit on fire, and dragged through the streets of our major cities as an example.

We can then advertise the car, the chain, and the kerosene used for the event to show future advertisers that it can be done right.