Twice today I have been sitting at a red light while the car next to me inches forward every couple seconds. Eventually the guy is hanging out in the middle of the damn road. What's so important that you can't wait 30 seconds for the light to change?
Not only that, this asshole is now blocking the intersection and when the light finally turns green he doesn't go because he's too busy playing candy crush or some shit on his cell phone and everyone laps his ass. Next time he needs to inch into a rushing river.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Bad Dog
Why do they make dog toys that look like things that I don't want my dog to eat? If I give my dog a toy that looks like a shoe then he thinks my shoes are fair game. No!
Why can't they make a toy that resembles the Kardashian family or Jimmy Falon? Teach that dog what really needs biting.
Why can't they make a toy that resembles the Kardashian family or Jimmy Falon? Teach that dog what really needs biting.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Fuck Your Party
Over the course of the last presidential election I discovered something very horrible about politics and America's stupidity. I'm a little late to the game on politics but when listening to two sides of a debate I listed to both sides.
Somehow we have adapted our sports mantra to politics. "I'm a Republican, I don't give a shit what our guy stands for as long as he's a Republican too, we need Obama out!" "I'm a Democrat, no matter what Obama does he's right!"
This is just fucking stupid. Politics doesn't work by standing behind your team because a football team doesn't decide law. Chances are you agree with pieces of policy from both parties but you have your head shoved so far up your ass that you can't see it.
Next time you're watching a hard liberal/conservative broadcast ie. FOX or MSNBC think about how hard they are pushing you to support or in most cases hate a representative, not based on what they are doing or what that person is working for but because of who supports them.
If any group would work half as hard at dictating law and putting plans in action as they do slinging shit at their opponents we wouldn't hate politicians...well probably still a little bit.
Somehow we have adapted our sports mantra to politics. "I'm a Republican, I don't give a shit what our guy stands for as long as he's a Republican too, we need Obama out!" "I'm a Democrat, no matter what Obama does he's right!"
This is just fucking stupid. Politics doesn't work by standing behind your team because a football team doesn't decide law. Chances are you agree with pieces of policy from both parties but you have your head shoved so far up your ass that you can't see it.
Next time you're watching a hard liberal/conservative broadcast ie. FOX or MSNBC think about how hard they are pushing you to support or in most cases hate a representative, not based on what they are doing or what that person is working for but because of who supports them.
If any group would work half as hard at dictating law and putting plans in action as they do slinging shit at their opponents we wouldn't hate politicians...well probably still a little bit.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Ghost Dad
When I was a kid ghost movies freaked me out. Some of them still do, but there's a odd difference between ghost movies and all others. Ghosts used to be people and still have some connection to their humanity. Zombies are dead cannibals with no brain, vampires need blood to survive, demons are just dicks. Ghosts are in their own little world.
After I thought about this I realized that if I ever came across a ghost that there is really nothing to be afraid of. I'm sure if ghosts exist they are more than likely spending all of their time checking in on their loved ones or hanging out in celebrity homes and watching models undress. I'm sure Swayze is still following Demi around out there somewhere. Come to think of it, it doesn't sound too bad being a ghost. Where's that power drill....
After I thought about this I realized that if I ever came across a ghost that there is really nothing to be afraid of. I'm sure if ghosts exist they are more than likely spending all of their time checking in on their loved ones or hanging out in celebrity homes and watching models undress. I'm sure Swayze is still following Demi around out there somewhere. Come to think of it, it doesn't sound too bad being a ghost. Where's that power drill....
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Crotchety
A kid today said that there are a whole bunch of cranky old people where he works.
I have no idea where he works but I assume that no matter where you are or where you go there are going to be pissed off seniors somewhere nearby.
Do you know why they're pissed off? Because they're still breathing.
Look at your age, then think about how many things you complain about, music, clothes, TV, movies, people in general.
Multiply that by a few decades then consider how pissed you'll be.
Next time you see a pissed off old person just give them a nod, you'll be there soon enough.
I have no idea where he works but I assume that no matter where you are or where you go there are going to be pissed off seniors somewhere nearby.
Do you know why they're pissed off? Because they're still breathing.
Look at your age, then think about how many things you complain about, music, clothes, TV, movies, people in general.
Multiply that by a few decades then consider how pissed you'll be.
Next time you see a pissed off old person just give them a nod, you'll be there soon enough.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Foodgasm
Why is it that every commercial when a model is eating a food they look like they're having an orgasm? Oh look, a fruit filled Greek yogurt, I think I'll have a bit, oh, ooooh, let me lick a little off my finger, and GOO. That was delicious.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Burn It
I watched a special on cults recently and they talked about the groups gathering and burning books to teach the children about what to hate and ideas to disregard. In the same minute they showed a group of men that went into town and bought books to burn. Yup, theses people went into a book store and gave money to the people that they were trying to teach their group to hate. Maybe if they had read a book they wouldn't have turned out to be clown shoe dumb shits.
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